A dildo is a type of sex toy, often shaped like an erect penis, that can be used for sexual penetration during masturbation or sex with a partner. They can be made out of a variety of materials, including silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or break-resistant glass. They’re also a favorite of gay men, and double-ended dildos are used for mutual anal penetration.
Dildos can be used in many different ways, and the best position to use them in will depend on whether it’s solo or partnered play. For beginners, Pleasure-Based Sex educator and sex-positivity advocate Lateef Taylor recommends trying dildos in the clitoris, anus, or vaginal opening to get comfortable with the sensation of them inside your body before moving on to a more complex dildo. She says to start with foreplay, which can be enhanced by rubbing the lubricated dildo on your or your partner’s inner thigh and lightly caressing the anus, clitoris, or vaginal opening. If you want to try penetration, start slow and move your dildo around in a rhythm that pleases you.
For those who want to go further, there are a variety of ways that people enjoy using dildos for masturbation and sex with partners. For example, the New York Sex Toy Collective Mason and the Ruse double dildo have suction cups that allow you to attach them to your skin to feel even more intimate with your toy. Or, you can simply use it as a clitoral stimulator by stroking and thrusting against the head of the toy.
Some people also use dildos to explore their g-spot or prostate, which can be difficult to stimulate with the hands alone. A double-ended dildo is the ideal tool for this. It’s also possible to use a single-ended dildo in this way.
While some women have historically struggled with a negative association between dildos and penises, in recent years sex boutiques and sex toys have become more widely available and dildo use has increased among lesbian, bisexual, and queer-identified women. They’ve lent a sense of sexual autonomy and power to queer women by allowing them to ally with gay male leather culture and sadomasochistic practices that involve phallic penetration.
For beginners, a simple and cheap option is a silicone dildo that’s easy to find at your local sex toy store. It’s important to note, however, that dildos don’t actually have nerve endings and you won’t be able to feel how deep it is, so it’s essential to practice with it first before attempting penetration or more intense sexual play with it. Also, as SELF has previously reported, there’s always a risk for STI transmission with any type of sex toy—even if it’s just used for clitoral stimulation—so cleaning your dildo after each use is key. You can clean it with soap and water or with a special toy cleaner. The process is simple and straightforward, just like any other sex toy. It’s also a good idea to learn how to store your dildo properly.